For you

Analyn left. We didn't say goodbye. Someone who's been such a big part of my life left. I haven't thanked her.

Two years ago I remembered the feeling of losing a helpful maid, so I made the right move by making it clear to mom that I want Analyn to stay for another two years.

Two years down the road I know that I want Analyn to stay for another two years but I didn't take any action. Now that she's gone no one can understand how sucky I am feeling now.

Part of me left together with her. :(

Her being in our house for 4 years means a huge deal to me. I probably see her more often than I see mom. She saw me through Cedar, VJ and recently NUS. Saw how I became fat during JC and lost weight when I got into uni. Saw how screwed up my hormones and skin are during exam periods and how tight my ass was stuck to my study seat.

I envisioned her to always be there to witness every new phase of my life, like when I graduate or when I finally tie the knot with the right one. In my daydreams, she is always in the picture.

To think that I used to complain about her cooking incessantly, it is probably what I may miss most. It is so salty, but at the same time the most homely. A feeling of home that my parents never gave to us.

Walked pass and saw her sleeping spot empty tonight. It's like part of my heart became vacant too. I realised that her presence actually warms up our cold cold house quite a bit. Like Mom Dad and Daniel are always out, so I'm always alone, but the sounds she makes while doing housework make me feel that I am not THAT alone. So what now, deafening silence when I'm home alone? I can't make do with that.

I miss her opening the door for me to get in; waiting so damn long for her to take away lunch for Daniel and I; her sneaking a peek at my television screen; pissing me off by ordering koi with ice and snitching on my fries when I ordered macs.

I never realised how these little things meant something to me. Now that I have lost a useful helper I feel extremely lost. I depended on her so much.

The kind words she's left for me are so simple but yet so sincere and powerful. Cried when I read them. It's like I'm not a good girl nor am I pretty or sexy (according to her haha). & I am really not capable of taking good care of myself without you. Why do you have to go??

I need you.

Analyn, I hope your new employer will be a nicer family and you will be happier working in Hongkong. But just so you know, I would very much prefer you to be in Singapore and back in my home. All the best and may God bless you.